This is one of those articles that I wanted to write for many days, but I kept delaying it until, a few days ago, I read a blog by one of my friends, @francistrdev, about the importance of networking. He shared several useful tips on how to network, but while reading it, I realised that there was a root cause behind why some devs struggle with networking skills. So,I took this opportunity to explore this issue through my blog.
It's not that being introverted is a problem. There are plenty of introverts who are great at networking and communicating with people. But I have noticed another pattern, both in myself and in many developers I've interacted with online and IRL that, sometimes, we unintentionally make Tech our entire life.
I've interacted with many developers both online and IRL, and I've noticed how easily our professional identity can intermingle with our sense of self and can make us think that somehow the world revolves around our profession. We work in Tech, spend a large portion of our day thinking about Tech, consume Tech-related content, participate in Tech communities, and then, when we finally decide to socialise, we often end up attending yet another "Tech meetup" or a "hackathon".
There is nothing inherently wrong with that. In fact, Tech meetups and hackathons are a great way to network and meet other developers, and I attend it myself as well. The problem starts when they become our only form of social interaction.
Think about it for a moment. Tech, for the most part, is a desk-based and mentally demanding profession. Many of us spend most of our working day sitting in front of a screen, solving problems, attending meetings, writing code, debugging issues, or simply working quietly. By the time the workday ends, many of us don't have much mental bandwidth left to socialise.
As a result, we may gradually interact with fewer people outside our usual circles. We get comfortable talking to people who already understand our work, our terminology, and our interests. But communicating with people from completely different backgrounds doesn't get the same amount of practice.
This can create an interesting cycle. We don't socialise much outside Tech because it feels uncomfortable or tiring. Then, because we don't socialise much, interacting with unfamiliar people feels even more uncomfortable the next time we try it.
If you enjoy painting, attend a painting workshop. If you like photography, join a photography club. If you like books, attend a book club. The activity itself isn't the important part. The important part is that you are putting yourself in an environment where people aren't necessarily there to talk about Tech.
You might discover that you have surprisingly interesting conversations with people who have completely different professions, experiences, and perspectives, and you don't have to become an extrovert to do this. You can start small and slowly and steadily push your comfort zone.
The goal isn't to change who you are. It's simply to give yourself more opportunities to refine your communication skills.
Another thing one can try is joining a Toastmasters club. It can be a good environment to practise public speaking, expressing your thoughts, speaking spontaneously, and interacting with people from different age groups and professional backgrounds.
One thing I like about this kind of environment is that you don't just get to listen to people speaking, but you also get opportunities to speak yourself. This repeated exposure can make unfamiliar social situations feel less intimidating over time.
Recently, I attended a Toastmasters club as a guest in my city. I was nervous too, especially because I hadn't attended such a formal meetup in months.
You don't suddenly become comfortable just because you've decided that you want to improve your communication skills. The first few times can feel awkward. You may overthink what you're going to say, wonder whether someone is interested in talking to you, or simply feel like leaving early.
Improving your communications skills doesn't always mean meeting complete strangers.
Call your childhood friends. Plan a casual meetup instead of waiting for someone else to initiate it.
And if you have friends on online communities, consider meeting those people IRL when it's practical and safe to do so.
A few weeks ago, I was in Bengaluru and met a few of my online friends from an ADHD community where I'm active. We had never spent that much time together offline, but once we met, we could simply joke around and talk about completely "nonsensical" things.